Retrospect review: Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Okay so this review is nothing special and this a not a film I have recently or more than once. As a retrospect review, I am looking back on a film a saw a while back and one that I have had time to process and meditate on.

Big Ass Spider is a joke.

It's a funny joke though. This film is one that perfectly embodies the concept of a film that does not take itself seriously. It's a cute idea that has been done over and over again. To death. Now this film is far from flawless. This movie is bad. Really bad. Almost unwatchable. And this all due to the fact that this film is full of TERRIBLE ACTING! I mean wow. It is bad. But that's not all. Sprinkled on top of this incoherent vat of poor character definition and actors who don't know how in love/badass/serious/easy going/funny/Mexican their character is supposed to be is a good deal of bad character development that is in every instance either forced and out of nowhere, or it is poorly executed to the point of me wondering if the actor is supposed to be playing someone else and just forgot to change his outfit. It's that bad.
At one point in the film the love interest female military type expressed concern and even love for the exterminator main character played by Greg Grunberg (you know... from Heroes). This is of course halfway through the film where we have only seen a good deal of the exterminator unsuccessfully flirting with her and asking her out and the girl shutting him down. And I mean hard core shutting him down with zero interest expressed to the point of disdain.  No hints that she finds him charming, no hints that *we* should find him charming. Just one scene she hates him,  and the next they are in love. This is contrived nonsense and the film didn't need it because there is a giant goddamn spider.  I did not care about the love story in this movie.

This film is bad but I enjoyed watching it. It was good for a lot of laughs and I think I could watch it again with friends and have a good time.

But I probably won't.

As a matter of fact I think I'd rather just watch Eight-Legged Freaks. A better, funnier giant spider movie. Nice try though Big Ass Spider.

No shame in giving up: Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)

Im not a connoisseur of film. That is to say I don't save my time for just the creme de la creme of horror films. Or any films for that matter. I'm a film buff. Or film duff if you go by the principle that I will watch anything with no regard to taste. I'll own that. But sometimes the films I do watch do test my patience. That last week I attempted to watch Leprechaun 4. It did not go well and I did not finish it. I consider myself a pretty good critic. And I will admit that though there have been only two or so films I've truly hated, I can recognize that most of the movies I watch are bad. Leprechaun 4 is bad. And I could not finish the whole film.

This has perhaps happened to me a handful of times. I normally have no trouble getting through even the worst of pictures. I make a fun time of it. Due to the recent release of Leprechaun: Origins, I, being a film duff who has only seen the first of the franchise, set out to watch the whole series, eventually finishing with the newest release. I watched 2 with no problem. Very silly. Made no sense and raised some questions in me about the canon of the story. 3 was fine as well. Mixed it up a bit with a Las Vegas setting and I could dig it. Then I got to L4: In Space. What happened? It was drivel. It wasn't a Leprechaun movie. It wasn't a space movie. It was cheap, way too over the top and completely caught me off guard. I'm not sitting here expecting Casa Blanca, I just want a low end horror flick and this film could not decide what it wanted to be. The characters are all completely shallow,  the relationships are forced and contrived and Warwick Davis (the leprechaun) was poorly directed. This isn't hard. These films are as easy as packing a sandwich for lunch. There is a formula, but for some reason,  this is where the series jumped the shark in my opinion. As loose a phrase as that would be in this case, I feel like the deviation here is too sever. It wasn't the setting though as Jason X didn't bother me particularly but maybe it is merely the fact that it is apparent in the case of L4: In Space that nobody cared.

Nobody cared and so I couldn't care.

But more on the philosophical topic of quitting. I pride myself on being able to sit through these despite the fact that no one is going to know or care that I do. Sort of like how completist gamers strive to get 100% completion in their games. Even if its bad and a challenge, I want to finish the film. But in the case of Leprechaun 4, Frogs, Shark Attack 3, Birdemic, Breeders, Death Bed, Xtro, and many others that I don't care to mention and you don't care to know, I think I will let myself off the hook for putting them off a bit longer.

The Horror In Humanity: The Sacrament (2013)

Well I was very pleased recently when I sat down to watch Eli Roth's The Sacrament. This film surprised me in that I think that since Halloween is coming up, I have been watching a good deal of horror featuring all the baddies from slasher/killers, to aliens, to ghosts, to monsters. And I think this movie just threw me off a bit because it has nothing like any of that. Just us. Just humanity.

The sacrament is about a group of reporters from a news magazine stationed in New York. The film is presented in the found footage format. As if the movie was shot by a cameraman for a news story. At the top of the film the three main characters are setting up the story. One of the three's sister has joined a parish and the whole lot has moved out of the country to start their own community. Now obviously this already has an eerie vibe. They go to see the sister at their isolated community, Eden Parish, when they are greeted by guards and guns and immediately the tension begin to build exponentially from there.

Of course this movie is something of a "cult" horror. Something akin to the segment of V/H/S 2, "Safe Haven". Really though it feels like there are no real moments of comfort here. It all feels dark. The whole of the movie really creates a world of hopelessness in a very real way. It is not fun. The acting and direction were done pretty well in a way that very effectively immerses the viewer, but the ultimate problem with the film is that it tells such a "real" story that it forgets that it is a movie. The film, while well edited does not hold the viewers hand in the progression of the plot. Also, the only message that this whole film offers is really chilling. That nothing short of humanity caused the events in this film to take place.

I gave this film a 6 out of 10 on IMDb but I do recommend the watch for anyone whose interested. It's a strange film but very well done. I would have liked more of a movie than a found footage documentary. But that personal preference.  I cannot argue that this film succeeds in what it set out to do. Scare.

Poster by R.M. Guera

Blair Which Inspired: Willow Creek (2013) and The Hunted (2014)

I have found in my recent film viewings that the found footage "shaky cam" genre is making quite a comeback. If asked I would likely attribute it to the commercial success of the Paranormal Activity franchise. Granted, Paranormal activity is a pretty good film with four not particularly good sequels. But nonetheless, it would be hard to argue against how well each of the films did considering audience excitement and the low cost of the pictures. But what started this all.  What really brought this idea of "real life" horror leaking into film in the form of found footage? The Blair Witch Project.

In the last month I've watched two films of no particular note other than somewhat higher ratings on IMDb. Those films were Willow Creek and The Hunted. I'm going to site these movies as the films that without a doubt drew inspiration from The Blair Witch Project. With similar stories, settings and characters, they are practically clones, but they each have one element that changes them up. And those elements are what make them worth checking out.

*moderate plot spoilers*
The Hunted is a pretty cool idea.  A deer hunter followed by a cameraman sets out to hunt a giant buck in an abandoned area of forest that had just been bought up by a hunting lodge. The duo have set out to hunt this thing with the intent to record it and use it as a pilot for a hunting reality show. This ties in the found footage deal pretty well. Soon enough though they hear screaming in the woods and are progressively terrorized by the ghost of an abused woman who died in the forest.
It is a well done flick with consistent acting by a small cast. The effects in the film are well done and the presentation of the ghost is low budget but creative. This film does suffer in its lack of plot or serious character conflict. I felt like it could have benefited from a little more fighting between to the two heroes. All and all worth a watch. 

Willow Creek is why I truly wanted to write this. A couple set or on a trip to visit the original site where Bigfoot was first recorded on film. That's right. Bigfoot. No spookies in this picture. Think The Blair Witch Project minus the witch plus Bigfoot and you get Willow Creek. The plot is pretty scarce and there isn't much offered here. But for the suspense and creepy factor that's in this film alone, I would recommend it. Willow Creek delivers a really unnerving horror experience while virtually showing you nothing. Everything is conveyed in the setting, sound, and acting. Like I said before though. Not much story-wise. Pretty well a clone of Blair Witch. But nonetheless, I was fault pleased with this movie.

The shaky cam found footage genre has been growing in popularity and even more recently, I have been seeing several Bigfoot movies coming out. I will likely check into these soon as well.